Memories; those days...

Friday, July 17, 2009

Shock

a bit shocked.....
I might be a bit dreamy and emo lately, i don't know if it is obvious

My grandfather passed away today, and just two weeks ago, my gandmother passed away.
They always say couples go together, it's a blessing. I never knew how true is it, but for one thing that I'm sure of, there is no regrets. Both being 80+++, at least they do not need to go through endless suffering and battle against sickness for long.

My mum says there's a thinking among the Japanese. They pray to live and die in dignity. Imagine spending years in the hospital bed unable to take care of oneself, having friends and relatives going in and out. Sympathy? Empathy? Being in a mess and terrible condition. They pray for a fast death, maybe during sleep or just an accident, rather than a delay.

My grandmother dying was predictable. She already stay in the old folk's home for a year. Initially, she stays with my grandfather, we would visit them once a week, during Saturdays. She was later ammited to the hospital, UH. After two weeks, she had a city scan. Having studied the results, the doctor told us to be prepared, it was a 50-50. Before my parents can get ready to bring us to her, she pass away peacefully at the hospital. It wasn't such a big shock, we expected the worse, we just didn't expect it to happen so fast.

My gandfather... it was not at all predictable. After my grandmother passed away, my parents thought it wouldn't be such a good idea to let my grandfather stay alone in his house. Since my father already sold our house but haven't found a new house, we decided to move in to my grandfather's place. We were busy discussing about some renovation work to be done to the house. My grandfather liked the idea of us moving in. He even promised to fund the renovation work. It was for a moment, happy. I never knew my grandfather well. Moving in, though kind of uneasy, is a great way to get to know and understand each other better.

It all happened on Friday, exactly two weeks after my grandmother passed away. He had his usual walk around Jalan Petaling at noon. He bought his lunch. He then vomitted and fainted. Someone called an ambulance and sent him to the General Hospital. I went for tuition, I knew nothing. He was in coma and had a city scan, and the doctor found that he had a minor stroke a few days ago. One of the arteries in his brain burst, but he was strong enough to survive for another few days. It was just so unexpected. I cried. I didn't know why. I was scared.

The moment I saw my brother step into my tuition class, I knew it wasn't a good sign. For a few seconds, my ears are ringing with death warnings, who now? It was answered immediately. We ran for a cab, but when we reach the hospital, it was too late, my grandfather had passed away. I hated myself for not able to be there in both cases, to see them for the last time when there are alive. I think if it happens at home, nobody would know until we visit him during Saturday. By then it would be too late. I don't know why my grandfather has to leave, it was all a sudden.

I used to dislike Saturday afternoons, where I have to sit for an hour at my granparents place, sometimes talking or reading the newspaper, but mostly, doing nothing. Then I have to invent numerous reason why I have to miss overtime activities: got to go to grandparents house ma...

Now, I don't like funerals, I don't like Fridays...I might even have fobia over them~~~

Updated@7:49 AM